It's been a while since my last post here on Death Rattle. In my time off I talked with the big cheese at this fine web site, Mr. Jesse Herman (AKA Lloyds Apple). We discussed a few changes in the format and content of the site to make it more user friendly and expand the scope of what we talk about beyond sports. I'm sure he'll have more on these updates in the near future. So without further ado, let's get back to the ramblings.

People tend to 'hate' famous people for reasons they do not always grasp. You can't really hate someone on a deeply personal level without knowing them. Especially sports figures. But, people hate because people can't stand fake bullshit except when it applies to their own stupid lives when convenient.

I don't hate Alex Rodriguez, Michael Phelps or Charles Barkley. I call myself a fan of the Phelps and Barkley. But I'd like all of them even more if they would just come out and say the following (paraphrasing):

Alex Rodriguez

Hello I'm here to confess that I used steroids for three seasons. I would have kept using them, but baseball cut down on that stuff. I'm not sure what kind of steroids they were all the time because we were always changing it up. I just asked for the strongest shit they had.

My teammates......(tears well up sort of)....they juiced too. We all juiced. I'm not going to apologize for doing what they did. The pitchers took steroids, so all is even.

I'll play the game, you know, I'll act sad when it means keeping a sponsor or not but screw guilt. The last time I felt guilty about something is when I had Derrick (Jeter) speak to my wife about knocking up Madonna. And another time, when I told George Steinbrenner about my shriveled up balls, causing him to have a stroke. I'm looking forward to 9 more years of huge paydays. For all of my poor, desperate-for-a-hero fans who are crying about this: get a life and enjoy the recession.

Michael Phelps

Fuck yeah I smoke weed. That's how I keeps it real, dawg. I'm eating thousands of calories a day during training: Puff, Puff, Swim. People were impressed with my eight gold medals but what they do not realize is that my true time to shine is on April 20 (4-20). That's when me and my frisbee throwin' hippy friends get together for the Bong Olympics. I can smoke .8 grams in one big rip. No camera's allowed of course but if you guys saw the smoke bellow outa me you'd think I was a fucking chimney. So yeah, fuck you Kellog's and whoever else has ended my sponsorship paying gimmicks. I'm Michael Phelps. I own China. And I smoke weed out of bongs, blunts and bowls. And by the way, I smoked weed with Kobe and Lebron and the US womens gymnastics team. What's up?

Charles Barkley

I'll try anything a few times. I got a drinking problem. I smoke weed. I put shit in my body, I don't think half of it has a name. I gamble too much. Sometimes I feel the devil controls my thoughts. Sometimes I think the heavens control my words because I sound so damn good. And sometimes I think my hemeroids will be the death of me. And I eat fatty foods. I have opinions about things, lots. I'm funny as fuck doing NBA coverage on TNT. Really fucking funny.

And ya know what, the state of Alabama would be better off with me as Governor in 2014. Yes we can, bitches.

For the last few weeks I've harped on how the NFL holds little interest for me anymore. The talent is too evenly spread because of the salary cap, leaving fans without a real team to hate and with few compelling, back and forth rivalries. And now, I sit here with smug satisfaction because the Arizona freakin' Cardinals are going to the Super Bowl.

Another fantastic college football season has come to an end, and despite all the whining about the lack of a playoff and speculation about who got screwed over, a worthy national champion has been crowned and college football is still the home of the best regular season of any sport in the land. Over the last few months, I've mostly hit on college football topics, and while the coming weeks will definitely be a change, this week is all college football, all the time.

After another week of sports action, and there are two things we still know for sure. NFL ovetime stinks, and Pat Summerall is more effective than a glass of warm milk at putting me to sleep. But the first thing I'll hit on this week is the underwhelming bowl peformance of what was thought to be the top football conference in America.