ED MCMAHON: And now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the all-knowing, the all-caring, the all-seeing, and former part time gas station attendant, CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Applause as East Indian music plays. Carnac enters wearing a robe and turban, trips on the steps and crashes into his desk. The audience applauds enthusiastically at his fall.)

CARNAC: (After collecting himself, he looks at the audience and says) May a sick camel leave a deposit in your bowl of corn flakes.

Ed: Here I hold in my hand the first envelope of the day, giving the envelope to Carnac, who holds it to his forehead and proclaims "A Sea of Red". Ed repeats the saying as Carnac opens the envelope and removes the letter and reads it. "What you see after a Tuner Gill for Head Coach" rally in Lincoln"; audience groans.

Ed: Envelope number 2 giving it to Carnac, Carnac holds it to his forehead and proclaims "Frank Solich, John Madden, and Kevin Cosgrove". Ed repeats the saying as Carnac opens the envelope. "What is a shrimp, a blimp and a wimp"? Audience snickers.

Ed: Hands Carnac envelope number 3, Carnac states "corn ethanol, Tofu, and Bill Callahan". Ed repeats the saying, Carnac opens the envelope; "Name the 3 most popular substitutes in Lincoln right now. Audience chuckles at this one as Carnac rolls his eyes.

Ed: Envelops number 4, giving it to Carnac who indicates "Eminen, Brett Byford, and Bill Callahan". Ed repeats it, Carnac opens and reads; "Name a rapper, a snapper and a crapper". Audience laughs loudly at this one.

Ed: Here I hold in my hand the final envelope of the evening, as the audience explodes with cheering upon that announcement. Carnac stares at the audience and states "May a love-starved Colorado fan impregnate your sister", which instantly silences the crowd. Carnac holds the envelope to his head and states "34-31". Ed repeats the 34-31 as Carnac opens the envelope and reads; "what will be the final score of the 2007 senior day game against K-State". Carnac smiles as he leaves exits stage left, then adds "oh with the Huskers winning" to the playing of "There is no place like Nebraska" and the audience explodes in cheering once again.

Well I hope you enjoyed my, what all can only hope is my one and final attempt at humor in this season of despair. Also I just learned as I was writing this piece, from the CBS affiliate in Omaha that Bill Callahan was asked to step down as coach, but that he told his players that he would not do so, but that they needed to go out and play for themselves as the current coaching staff would probably not be around next season. GBR for senior day, and lets hope that the 29 seniors can enjoy their final game at Memorial Stadium with a victory.

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